JP's World of False Mayhem

Tribute to Teens

2006-06-10T07:54:00.000-07:00

I have no idea why I haven't blogged in months - further more, why I have decided to write today. I'm bored out of my mind; I think that must be it.

So....surfing the net this morning cause there's nothing better to do, and I was checking out my 13 year old cousins web-site (I believe it's a similar program to myspace or something, called piczo) and I realized that I would like to be 13-14-15-16 again. No, I'm not all that old, but the thought of going back and dealing with the problems and responsibilities of a 15 year old seems absolutely wonderful. I'm tired of worrying about the future, getting up every Monday morning and repeating the week before. I want to worry about my 2 week boyfriend who I 'loooooove', I want to listen to metal and rock on, be thankful that I've finally sprouted boobs, say things like 'LOL' and 'OMG', and have it mean something seriously profound. I want to decide not to start smoking, I want to do drugs and believe it won't harm me, I want to get stoned before class (and then inevitably decide to skip class and get more stoned), worry about the first time I'll have sex, and think I'm rebelling against my parents for trapping me in a teenage hell. It all seems delightful and innocent, and I want a piece of it.

So, how do I incorporate this into my every day life? I supposed that isn't possible now that I'm 'responsible'. I have cats, a boyfriend, a job that I need to keep (don't get me wrong, I also enjoy it), nephews, and a close relationship with the family I so desperately tried to ignore in my teenage years, close friends who are also responsible, a place to live, a place to live that drains my bank account every month, and so on. I feel a bit wrapped up in all of this. I want to go away, for a long time and actually experience something. At the tender age of 25, I feel like I'm running out of time to do all of the things I would like to do while I'm young; before the rest of my life catches up to me. I've been seriously thinking of applying for a holiday working visa and effing off for a year or two. Gee, do you think that would upset my parents? Oh God, yes. But it's my life, and I want to live it.

JP

Tag! You're it!

2006-01-18T18:45:00.000-08:00

OK, so Kyle has tagged me for something that I have no context on, but honestly, its pretty simple.

Four jobs you have had in your life:
1. Shift Manager, McDonalds
2. Logistics Coordinator, Borderfree
3. Ecommerce specialist, Danier Leather Corporate
4. Graphic Studio Manager, Indigo

Four movies you would watch over and over:
1. Lord of the Rings trilogy
2. Old School
3. Shawshank Redemption
4. Mall Rats

Four places you have lived:
1. Devils Pulpit, Caledon Ontario
2. Winston Churchill Blvd., Caledon Ontario
3. Boston Ave., Toronto Ontario
4. Victor Ave., Toronto Ontario

Four TV shows you love to watch:
1. Alias
2. Lost
3. CSI: New York
4. Leafs! (not really a 'show', but still a fave)
(I really want to add Saved By The Bell, but I'm sure I'll be poked at)

Four places you have been on vacation:
1. Myrtle Beach
2. Halifax
3. Europe
4. Calgary

Four websites I visit daily:
1. Friends Blogs
2. www.nhl.com
3. www.tdcanadatrust.com
4. www.hotmail.com

Four of my favorite foods:
1. Sushi
2. Grilled Cheese
3. Seafood, of any kind
4. Steak, Steak, and more Steak

Four places I would rather be right now:
1. Europe
2. Africa
3. Banff
4. Hawaii

Four bloggers I am tagging:
I can't tag any bloggers that aren't already tagged - so if you read this, YOU'VE BEEN TAGGED!

JP

Ice Lounge

2005-12-10T09:27:00.000-08:00

OK, so I'm tired of looking at that Brazilian ass, so I'm changing my post in the hopes that it will disappear from my screen every time I check my blog...

Last night was fun - went to the new 'Ice Lounge' at C-Lounge. A word to the wise, however, for all of you out there considering going to check this out. Last night was cold, and I mean cold when you're not wearing what you should be in the winter. You have to go outside to get into the Ice Lounge, where they give you a parka that god knows how many people have worn. Don't get me wrong, they are super warm, but dirty, oh so very dirty. After you pick up your parka, you walk in under a tent, full of ice. First thought - 'it smells like fish in here' - not the greatest when you're already drunk and stumbling. Second, 'my feet are freezing, and I can't sit on anything because I might freeze to it'. I was told that we would be offered warm gloves, martini glasses made of ice, and clean jackets. What we got was freezing hands, plastic martini glasses, and dirty, but warm jackets - OK, 2 out of 3 isn't so bad.

We literally spent 10 minutes in the Ice Lounge, after paying a hefty cover just to go in, and spent the rest of the night inside where it was warm and sweaty, just like any other club in the city. Don't get me wrong, it was really cool to see what they have done to make this possible, and we had a great time; although I am crediting that to the massive consumption of alcohol, not to the atmosphere. Glad I went to see it, but I wouldn't recommend going there every week-end. You'll die of gradual hypothermia.

JP

Brazilian?

2005-12-06T16:54:00.000-08:00

OK Kyle - my sexy brazilian name is...

Your Sexy Brazilian Name is:

Kaliana Montenegro

What's" Your Sexy Brazilian Name?

Wow, that is sexy.

Even better is my pimp name...

Your Pimp Name Is...

Sugar Butt Dogg

What's" Your Pimp Name?

And apparently, my daddy is...

Your Daddy Is OJ

What You Call Him: Old Man
Why You Love Him: He knows best

Who's" Your Daddy?

And my 1920's name is

Your 1920's Name is:

Gussie Blossom

What's" Your 1920's Name?

My Japenese name is...

Your Japanese Name Is...

Rei Hojo

What's" your Japanese Name?

But most importantly, apparently, I'm a...

You're a Freaky Kisser

When you kiss, you want to experience something newA new technique, a new partner, a new piercing...And your own personal kissing style is very unpredictableThere's no saying where your tongue or hands will go

What Kind of Kisser Are You?

Thanks Kyle...

Reverend Stephanie

2005-11-27T20:59:00.000-08:00

Another Sunday is coming to a close. Today I got up early and headed to my parents house - my mom was being inducted into her church today so we all decided to go to cheer her on (although, cheering is sadly frowned upon in church for some reason). Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I spent the afternoon in church.

It wasn't all that bad - the service was small, and I have discovered that my nephew, Grant, is great comic relief in 'uncomfortable situations'. Every time the congregation went silent, Grant got a funny smile on his face and let one rip...it was hilarious. My brother, sister, Dan and I were literally sitting in the back of the church crying from laughter for the entire 45 minutes. Grant is talking now, and some words are understandable, some not so much - regardless, it’s truly hilarious. I forgot how kids can sometimes pull you out of the darkest area and give you just a little bit of sunshine.

On the drive up, I was telling my brother that it seems our entire family dynamic has completely changed over the last 2 years. Grant was born in February of 2004 - that was the first big change. This year, my mother graduated with a Masters in Divinity, and has been formally ordained into the priesthood. She's now got a full time job - in here retirement none the less. My father has started renovating the house that we lived in for 15 years because soon they will sell and move closer to my mom's parish. It seems these days that the two of them are busier than I am, which is wonderful, but a little sad at the same time.

At the beginning of the summer, my sister announced that she's expecting again - another boy - Tristan Mackenzie - due February 2nd of 2006. My brother and I seem to be floating along at the same pace - although he seems to be a bit more depressed these days. The times they are a changin, and I'm trying to keep up.

It wasn't so long ago that I remember being a child, looking up to my big brother and sister, idolizing my parents, and truly not caring about much. In this respect, not a lot has changed. My brother is my hero - always has been, always will be. Despite his own stubborn convictions, he has always looked out for me and has always been able to come through when I truly needed him.

Although my sister and I rarely see eye to eye, we carry a strange silent respect for one another, both id very different ways. She has given us an incredible child whom we all love and cherish, and will till the end of days, and will soon give another that will be loved equally.

My father and I had a rough start, but I can now truly say he is someone that I admire and look to for advice. We have become better friends in these later years, and I couldn't be happier about it.

Last but not least, my mother. I wouldn't even know where to begin - on the Richter scale of inspiration, love, devotion and kindness, she scores somewhere in the thousands. We are the best of friends, and I cherish her for everything she has and will contribute to my life. I love her dearly, honestly, and eternally. I'm so proud of her for everything that she has done since her retirement - she truly is my inspiration.

My closing point - my family is the most important - period. No one person in this universe has been there my entire life as they have been - no one person will ever love me for who I am more than they do. My family is my best kept secret, and my proudest of accomplishments. I will never in my lifetime share bonds as close as I have with the four of them, and that is something that can make me smile on the darkest of days.

JP

My Google Needs

2005-11-26T13:15:00.000-08:00

Thanks to Michael, who has strangely revealed himself today, I have now done my own list of 'Google Needs' by typing Jessica and Needs into the search field, so, here is what Jessica Needs:

1. an unexpected birthday present
2. to keep her mouth shut sometimes
3. to get on with her life
4. creative and fantastic facilities
5. YOU!
6. to say 'go fug yourself' (yes, fug was the word it came up with)
7. to live for Christ, one day at a time (Im not even going to TRY to explain that one)
8. to be left alone
9. some coaching but instead gets an earful and an eyeful
10.oxygen

That was fun...

JP

Ah, Saturday

2005-11-26T11:39:00.000-08:00

For the first time in a while, I am sitting in my room drinking coffee, smoking cigarettes, and barely thinking about what I have to do today. It's nice, it's relaxing. My room is a mess, I need to do the dishes, I need to get out and pay bills and find a birthday present for my sister, but here I am; soaking up the scenery.

I love it! I'm ecstatic that I have this opportunity to write this down, simply because I have time to do it.

Tonight, we go to celebrate the fact that the lovely Tali is embarking on a new adventure next week. Getting away from the crap, getting away from the snow and starting a new job in San Fran - I think this could be a really great thing. Although we are all connected digitally, she'll face new challenges, and hopefully forget about the old ones. I wish I had the courage to do something like that. Sometimes being in one place can beat you down so much that you can't see moving on - sometimes it’s better to start fresh; wipe the slate clean, meet some new people, and immerse yourself in something new and exciting.

To that I say, Cheers Tali - you'll be greatly missed by your friends here that love you, and you'll always have a home here. Good luck, and have fun with everything you will discover in the coming months.

JP

Right as Rain

2005-11-21T19:40:00.000-08:00

*sigh* - I'm breathing again. Had a nice day to relax yesterday and have gathered my 'shit' - I'm thinking like a sane person again. Lovely - I've re-entered the world of 'normal'.

Not so bad - my spirits are up, and it’s been a while since I could honestly say that. I've been having a really hard time over the last month regarding my 'Monty' scenario. Is it worth it, am I wasting time, is this where I should be, is this something I can count on, should I look for someone local...etc, etc. Truth is, I woke up. I woke up with a start, let me tell you.

Saturday night, I had a revelation. NO ONE makes me happier than this person, regardless of the distance. NO ONE cares for me like he does; NO ONE makes me feel like a human every day of my life. I also realized that its way too soon in our relationship to be worrying about how this will affect my future. We haven't barely had a moment to enjoy it, why rush into the important stuff? Truth is, he's coming back in January, and I couldn't be happier about it. I get to learn new things, and I get to rediscover what made me fall in love in the first place. Not too many people get this opportunity - as far as I’m concerned, I have the perfect relationship because every time I see him or hear from him, I'm excited. That’s what time apart does, I suppose.

I think for a while there, I was trying to create drama in my life because looking back, it really has been a good year for me. I got a promotion, I met a guy, I took my first trip ever, I'M HAPPY for the first time in a while. I think that when things seem to be going 'too good', there is a sense of urgency that creeps up on you, making you worry that there is nothing to worry about; if that makes any sense at all. We are emotional beings, and believe it or not, I think that happiness is the hardest emotion to accept, because we are conditioned in this day and age to believe that SOMETHING must go wrong at some time. We expect it, we wait for it, and we create it when it doesn't appear.

In short, everything is right in the world on 'me' right now, and I'm glad. There is nothing wrong, and I'm not going to pretend that there is (I hope I'm not jinxing myself by writing this!)

JP

Back from the dark side

2005-11-19T19:43:00.000-08:00

Geez...last post was on Halloween...I suck, big time.

I haven't been home one night in the last 3 weeks - I'm seriously tired, and would love it if the rest of the world would back off, just for a bit. I need some serious 'me' time, to say the least.

Haven't been doing much more than working, drinking, going to funerals and getting into trouble. When all's said and done, nothing really exciting to report...

I've missed the world of blogging though - I think I'll return to my past time, as soon as I can find a friggen minute to collect the thoughts.

JP

Halloween, resurrected

2005-10-31T17:18:00.000-08:00

I love Halloween - Lesley and I sat on the front porch tonight and handed out candy to all the cute little kids running around, hopped up on sugar and raring to go. It reminded me that I love Halloween, I mean, I really love it. Its always been one of the things that I look forward to every year. Unfortunately, this year I was strapped for time to find a costume (I'm usually quite creative) and painted my face with make-up to look like I'd been horribly battered, and went as a Montreal Canadiens fan who just got back from a game at the ACC...

Last year, I went as static cling - one of the costumes I'm most proud of...

I actually made the top out of socks, and was intending fully on making the bottom the same, but realized that I was 'bearing' a little too much.

Other creative costumes from the past:

- Marshmallow (wrapped myself in white foam attached with suspenders)

-solar system (made a contraption that sat on my head with giant styrofoam balls hanging off)

-Serial killer (wore all black and sewed mini boxes of cereal to myself with plastic knives stuck in them).

Whats on for next year?? Maybe and end table, I'm not sure. You'll all have to stay tuned! Happy Halloween, everyone!

Men vs. Women in the showers

2005-10-22T11:44:00.000-07:00

So I've come up with a theory, and I'm hoping that someone out there can help me to prove/disprove this little nugget of useless information that I have come up with.

When I get into the shower, I automatically turn to face away from the flow of water, so that it's hitting my back. I shampoo, I condition, I soap up, wash my face and turn the shower off. It has recently come to my attention that most men seem to face the shower head; to shampoo and soap, and I'm trying to figure out why. Kyle and I were watching a movie last night where a man did this, and I realized that I have never actually seen a man turn his back to the water.

Can you help me out here? I know its completely uninteresting, but I need to know if my theory is correct...

JP

Taxi Drivers and Cell Phones

2005-10-20T22:24:00.000-07:00

Got into a cab tonight, yes, this was stupid because its a waste of money in Toronto, however I didn't feel at all tempted to wander the streets alone in the dark tonight.

In doing so, I have discovered that I have a new pet peeve. The second I got into the cab, he got on his cell phone, and proceeded to have a conversation with someone who was obviously depressed right in front of me. This makes me think back to most of the cab rides I have taken in the last year or so. From what I can recall, at least 92% of the cab rides have been spent listening to them talk to their family and friends, and I have decided that this really bothers me.

When I am sitting on the street car, for example, if my phone rings, I almost never answer it - this is because Im not interested in sharing my life with everyone who has ears perked, looking for something more interesting to pay attention to.

My cab driver tonight was talking to someone whose wife just left him, and lost everything just recently. The man was obviously wrecked over the situation, because all the cab driver kept saying was 'Don't kill yourself'. I understand that people need to talk when they go through something tough - of course I do because I need to talk through things too - but why in the world would you want to have THAT conversation when there is an unsuspecting girl in the back seat? I feel for the person on the other end of the phone. Some things are private, and that's the end of it. I do not want to share my life with strangers that I meet on the street - why in the world would these people think that it's any different for anyone else?

JP

Mental note...

2005-10-18T22:20:00.000-07:00

...before I go to bed - I'm writing a list of the things that I need to do in the hopes that publishing it will motivate me slightly more.

1. Update resume - not for particular reasons, but you never know.
2. Finish 'de-junking' - VERY important - I've decided I have too much crap
3. Go to Zellers and get a) plastic organization bins b)accordian file holder - for the crap I've decided to keep.
4. Look into French lessons or something of that sort. I've decided that I need to become multilingual.
5. Get my pictures developed - can't wait on this any longer
6. Call my sister - oy, I haven't called her since I came back and she's pregnant so I can only imagine how that will go over
7. Pick up the guitar and learn something new. Its been too long and my calluses are gone - I don't have man hands anymore!
8. Kiss my sick roommate good-night - after all, I'm the one that made her that way.

JP

2005-10-17T20:40:00.000-07:00

So I had to run away from a bee today. I thought my bee running days were over for the year, but no - there was one stubborn son-of-a-bitch bee that just won't die, and he came after little old me.

Hey, have you ever seen that girl that runs around with a terrified look on her face, arms waving frantically in the air? Yah that's me, being chased by a bee. I don't mind looking like an ass in public, however. Yes, I don't like bees, and yes, I'll die if one ever gets to me...maybe (an undetermined, yet suspected allergy).

Everyone loves the fall because of the air, or the colours, or the crisp smell on the wind. I love fall because it’s when all of the season’s bees and wasps are euthanized by the changing seasons and cold air. I'm heartless, I really am.

JP

Quotes and such

2005-10-16T07:05:00.000-07:00

I've obviously had a little time to spare since yesterday, and I have been cleaning out some of my paperwork from who knows when - I found an email that I printed out because it was pretty funny so I thought I'd share with all. Please note, these are quotes about and for women, but still humerous:

'Inside every older lady there is a younger lady - wondering what the hell happened.'

'Inside me lives a skinny woman crying to get out, but I can usually shut her up with cookies.'

'I refuse to think of them as chin hairs. I think of them as stray eyebrows.'

'A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who never owned a car.'

'My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being, hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.'

'A man's got to do what a man's got to do. A woman must do what he can't.'

'Every time I close the door on reality, it comes in through the windows.'

'I try to take it one day at a time - but sometimes several days attack me at once.'

'If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to be a horrible warning.'

'I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on.'

Hehe, a bit silly and stereotypical, but still good for a larf. Oh god, did I just say larf? I'm turning into my mother...

JP

P.S....

2005-10-15T17:10:00.000-07:00

Here's a ridiculous pic of me sleeping on the plane, just to prove that I actually went. No, I didn't sleep with the pilot to get the picture, I was really there.

Good-bye...again

2005-10-15T11:00:00.000-07:00

So, I think I'm doing OK. When I got home from my trip, Monty was here to spend 4 days in Toronto, taking care of some work, seeing some family and most importantly, spending time with me.

Literally 3 minutes ago, the cab came to take him back to the airport. I definitely kept the cry in my throat while I said good-bye to him for the second time, and of course didn't even get up the stairs to my door before I fell apart. This, I think is alright - its only natural to feel sad when you have to watch something leave you that you'd like to hold on to, but I have to say its not a comforting feeling, at least for the time being. There are so many things wrong with this situation.

Number one wrong - some people search to find that one good thing in your life, whether it be work, family or love. I have work, I have a great family, and I never searched for love but it found me when I wasn't expecting it. A great person who treats me well and makes me smile more than he makes me cry found me, which of course sounds great, but this has to be the epitome of a near impossible relationship.

Number two wrong - Monty, over the last few years, has started to build the next road in life, went back to school and is nearing completion. He has goals; he has priorities and for the most part knows what he wants to do with these things. I'm proud for him, even though I didn't know him before he made these decisions. Why is this wrong? Well, I'm not a person that would ever want to stand between a person and these things. The situation is much more complicated than 3000 miles of distance in the same country. He has options. Options that could bring him back here, options that could keep him where he is, options that could send him anywhere in the world for long periods of time. I want to be selfish and keep him with me, and I want him to do it without me asking, because of course I never would. I want the pieces to fit together.

Of course, nothing is ever concrete. He doesn't know what will happen yet, he doesn't know where he'll end up, and he doesn't want to invest or commit to a relationship if it meant letting go of any of these things, which in all fairness is the way it should be.

I understand, trust me I understand. I have my own goals; I have sacrificed a lot of things to achieve goals because I had to, and not necessarily because I wanted to.

This is where I need to figure out what I want out of this. Do I hold on for a few more months to see what happens, knowing that the longer I wait the harder it will be? Or do I let it go - do I act selfless and uncomplicate things by removing myself as an option? I don't really know, and I can't seem to figure it out just yet. I do know that I cannot do this forever - I cannot wait for something that may or may not happen, I cannot hold on everything else to see what pans out. I can consider other options for myself, but it seems far and difficult to do. This doesn't mean I won't do it.

So today, I go back to long distance, I go back to time change, I go back to chatting about everything or nothing in particular through a computer or a phone, never being able to reach out and touch when I need to. I go back to wondering if I can do this, and I go back to trying to be positive and look a little farther into the future, and at the same time try to live in today and enjoy it while its there.

JP

Help Stray Tourists

2005-10-14T13:12:00.000-07:00

OK...so, I've officially been home for 3 days, I've rested, I'm feeling somewhat better and I'm ready to tell all (or at least what I can remember on the spot) about my European vacation.

I got myself on the plane - that was the first step. Turns out, it wasn't so bad after all - I've discovered that I don't like flying, but I'm not afraid to do it anymore and that is a feat in itself.

We landed in Paris after a very long night - I got barely any sleep, and was exhausted but it was nice to finally get there. We hopped off the plane, grabbed our baggage and got onto the metro so that we could drop off our bags at the hotel and go exploring. Unfortunately, it wasn't this easy - perhaps a sign of things to come. We got two stops from the airport and the train broke down, had to get off with all of our luggage and wait for the next train in the rain. Not a good start when you're exhausted and it’s cold. Train comes; we get on it, transfer once and get above ground to check into our hotel. Fortunately, we got settled quickly and headed out for lunch - I think it was 1pm there or something like that which was weird because of the 6 hour time difference. We found a quaint place to eat in a small square - I ordered a pretty standard meal...tomatoes and mozzarella (the real stuff) and a steak. Helen and Marijke decided to order the 'special', veaux (veal). When the meal came, my steak was fine - but the veal did not look like veal. H & M made a few guesses as to what they were eating - possibly mushrooms, possibly liver. No, it was brain - veal brain. Gross, but they were troopers and made it through the meal.

Fast track a few hours later after a nap, more food and one night, we head to the Louvre for the day to see as much as we possibly could in one day - trust me, if you haven't been there, I'll tell you that it would take a week to see everything, and years to remember everything you saw. Definitely a highlight to the trip - we had a great, long and tiring day. Went back to the hotel, got ready and went to the ballet. I wasn't all that impressed with the ballet; however the opera house was spectacular. As soon as I have my pictures back I'll upload some - wow! Anyways, we did a ton of other things in Paris; in short, went to d'Orsay (where I had to use the men's washroom and was horribly embarrassed when I came out of the stall and there were 6 men standing at the urinals), Pompidou, Eiffel Tower, Rodin museum, shopping - standard tourist stuff.

On the 4th morning, we got up at 4am, got ready and hopped on a bus to another airport, boarded a plane and flew into the suburbs of Milan. From there, we took an hour and half long bus ride to the train station, got there 4 minutes before our train was leaving, and literally ran to catch it. 5 seconds after the train started moving, we figured out that we were on the wrong train and spent 9 hours trying to get back to where we were supposed to be on the train (should have taken about 4 hours in total). Mental note - do not take the trains in Italy - if you get on the wrong one, you're essentially screwed.

Finally, 6 pm we arrive in Vernazza, a small town (part of Cinque Terra) on the coast of the Mediterranian. Oh My God - truly breathtaking. Five sleepy towns surrounded by mountains, vineyards and authentic Italian countryside - needless to say, we spend the next day and a half touring around each of the 5 towns. Did a lot of walking which was nice. Have I mentioned that by the end of our stay in Vernazza, 6 days into the trip, we had only seen to sunshine twice? Yah, it rained pretty much steadily.

We get up in the morning, having purchased another set of train tickets the day before to head to Pisa and transfer to a train heading to Florence. We get on the train, go 4 stops and get off to catch another train headed for Pisa, wait for 2 hours in the rain and cold, finally get on the train, only to realize as we were passing Cinque Terra (again) that we were going the wrong friggen way. The saga continues...

We get off the train at the next available stop (you have to understand that these stops are sometimes 20 minutes apart), go to ask for help only to be told 'check the schedule' - which by the way, NO ONE can understand - buy new tickets and wait another 2 hours to get on a train to Pisa, only to get on another train to Florence. Let’s recap...

Plane to Paris - bus to airport - plane to Milan - bus to train station - 9 hours trying to backtrack - train going backwards - train to Pisa - train to Florence.

Ah, we finally arrive in Florence at 6:30pm (12 hours have passed in transit and waiting by this time) and wander the city for 40 minutes trying to find our hotel. Florence, for the record, can be walked in its entirety in about 30 minutes, however the streets have no logic - roads lead to nowhere, roads take you back to where you started, roads are named one thing on one side and another on the other side. Were we ever frustrated by the time we got there. Got settled in our dump of a hotel room, and went out for dinner. After dinner, I was so tired that I decided to go back to the room while H & M toured around a bit. It was a nice excuse to grab a few minutes to myself which was really nice. Called my mom, called Monty and passed out cold.

We woke up refreshed the next day and decided to go to the Academy museum. The line was long but we figured it would move fast. Nope...we waited for 3 hours to get in to see David and leave. In all fairness, it wasn't that bad - we had a good time occupying ourselves with street vendors and the name game.
After that we headed to Ponte Vecchio to spend some time outside which was nice. There were lots of tourists in the city so it was busy, and we also finally got our third day of sunshine since we got there. We then headed to the Uffizi museum and got into another line - much shorter. This one only took 1.5 hours. We did as much as we could before they closed and got out of there.

The next morning, we went back to the train station - this time it took only 5 minutes to get there and boarded a train to Rome. Thankfully, the train was direct and there was no way to screw it up. After 3 hours, we arrived in Rome, grabbed a cab and got to our final hotel, got settled and went for a quick walk through Ancient Rome - raining again. The next day, we got up and walked to the Vatican - got in line, which we expected and found ourselves in St. Peter's Basilica. Unbelievable architecture and we got to see Pieta which was great as well. We decided we wanted to go into the Sistine chapel, got in line, only to find out that the museum was closed until Monday (it was Saturday at this point). So we left and wandered around Rome. Looked in shops we couldn't afford, went to the Spanish steps, went to Trevy Fountain. By the time this was all done, we were soaked so we went back to the hotel to get dry clothes and went out for dinner.

On Sunday morning, we headed back to the Coliseum to take a guided tour and ended up paying one rate to get an additional tour of Ancient Rome. I highly recommend this - you can stop and stare and speculate about the buildings and artifacts that have been uncovered, but you'll never truly understand their history unless it is given to you. I found the whole experience truly enlightening, and was amazed that we were walking on grounds where people lived 4th century BC - truly unbelievable.

On Monday (our last day) we went back to the Vatican Museum and got in a line that crossed 2 streets and turned 5 corners - wow, long. It was pleasant though - we had a great time chatting and the line moved much faster than we expected. Once in, we decided to do the Sistine Chapel first. Let me tell you, there is no such thing. The place is structured so that you have to walk through umpteen mazes and galleries (very cool by the way) in order to get there. We wandered for 2 hours and at the end, found ourselves packed into a room with hundreds of other people staring at the ceiling being pushed through by security. Oy, but I've seen it, and it was truly spectacular for the 10 minutes that we had to view it.

We spent some more time shopping around and walking - in fact, a lot of time, and went for our last dinner in Europe. On Tuesday, we hopped in our airport limo and headed for the airport, boarded the plane and found our way home again.

In short, my trip was truly eye-opening. I cannot pick out single highlights because it was all so amazing. My favourite was Rome, we ate amazing food, we drank amazing wine (every night and sometimes at lunch), I absorbed another culture and finally learned why everyone has told me I need to travel. I was even sad to be home - and now I want to go back. It even made me start to wonder if Toronto is where I want to be anymore. I can't wait until my next adventure, and I will do my best to take everything I possibly can out of my experiences (helping lost tourists from now on is at the top of the list).

Till next time,
JP

Home again...home again...

2005-10-12T15:12:00.000-07:00

Just got back from my European adventure...lots to tell, but not today. Caught a cold as soon as I got off the plane and my head is so foggy I can't remember anything I've done ;) I hate jet lag! Missed life though, although now that I'm home, I want to go back.

JP

Its my party and I'll cry if I want to

2005-09-24T13:48:00.000-07:00

Today is my birthday - my actual birthday, and I have done nothing that I wanted to get done today. I have to pack, I have to clean, I have to be prepared.

Emotions are running rampant in my head today. Its pretty amazing that one little chemical in your brain can turn everything in your life upside down at the blink of an eye. I suppose its not a bad thing to be emotional - after all, if we were granted the wish to be emotionless, we would not feel sadness, however, we also wouldn't feel happiness, passion, love, and anger. What a boring existence! I wish, however that I could more easily control when I feel sad. Sadness is a part of life, I know - its disappointment, its loss, its hurt and anger and is encompassing when it strikes you.

Why am I sad? I'm sad that I haven't done more in my life to this point, I'm sad that I have wronged people, I'm sad for the people I have lost. I'm sad for the people in my life that are going through tough times, I'm sad that I can't be with the one I love, I'm sad that tomorrow, today will be over. I am a year older, technically, however today is like yesterday, in that I'm only one day older than I was last night.

I'm sad because I know I have many more hardships to face before I die, and I'm sad because of all the people I will love and lose in the future.

So what do you do to make sure this overall sadness does not affect you every day of your life? You put it in the back of your mind, you forget that its there and try your best to live in today - you take chances, you make mistakes and you learn. You love, you lose, and you deal with it. You're there for people when they need you, and you hope that they will be there for you. You live dangerously, you accept challenges, and you face things head on. You don't live in the past.

JP

Freakin Europe!!

2005-09-23T10:48:00.000-07:00

T- Minus 5 days and I'll be in freakin Europe - and I've got a cold. At home, missing a day of work because no one in the office wants to catch what I have, but I want to go to work!
I suppose it’s the smart thing to do - stay home and get some rest, but I feel bad because I have lots to do and I'm going to be off for a long, long time.

Aside from that, I'M GOING TO FREAKIN EUROPE! I can't wait...6 days from now I will be in Paris.

From Paris, we fly to the 'suburbs' of Milan, hop on a bus for an hour, then get on a train for another 3 hours, arriving in Cinque Terre on the coast of the Mediterranean Sea at 5pm - did I mention that we have to catch a bus in Paris to get to the airport at 5:30 in the morning? After we spend 2 days in the Italian countryside, we hop on a train (2 hours I think) to Florence, where we will be for 3 days. Then the final destination - Rome (another train ride). Four days in Rome, and we fly home on October 11th. Needless to say, this will be the vacation of a lifetime.

I'll be spending my 12 days abroad with the lovely Helen and Marijke, both lovely people, and we are all so excited to leave the continent for a brief period of time, and forget about everything that has gone on over the last few months.

I’m nervous, I won't lie - I've never flown, as previously mentioned, and I've never traveled this much in my lifetime, but it’s worth it, I know it is. When I get back, I'll be broke, tired and disappointed to return, I’m sure - but at least I'll have some new stories to tell, and new experiences to bring back with me.

JP

Guitar Shmitar

2005-09-17T11:26:00.000-07:00

So, I've decided to try and learn how to play the guitar. Its been a long time coming, I've always wanted to sit down and try to figure it out but never did because of fear. Fear that I'd suck, fear that I'd be too impatient to sweat it out, normal. Apparently, everyone sucks when they first try, and boy let me tell you, I am no exception to the rule. Awkward, backwards, unbelievably uncoordinated, the whole nine yards. I thought, for a brief moment when I got home tonight that I shouldn't bother - can't teach an old dog new tricks, right? I can sing, thats good enough for me.

NOT GOOD ENOUGH! My new challenge - become a master guitarist, quit my job and go touring with the band; get rich, buy stuff, see my boyfriend on the week-ends, travel, you know, standard rock-star stuff. I think I'd make a kick-ass rock star - and for all of you who know me now, I won't forget about you, I promise.

JP

McNicknames

2005-09-13T17:38:00.000-07:00

OK - after a brief lapse of emotion, Im back in full force - my other personality has been locked up until next time and I'm ready to get serious.

Tali (woo hoo) and I have discovered great joy in creating McNicknames for the people in our lives. For example:

Me: Cheaty McCheaterson
Tali: Lesbian McOntheverge
Amos: GayPorn McGivesitupforfree
UnNamed Headcase (for you, Tali): Messy McMesserson

There are so many possibilities to explore with the McNicknaming, and I suggest you all try it at least once. Your friends will adore you, you can work it into any situation. For example, 'whoa, that Big Mac was Crappy McCrap', or 'That guy is such a McShitface', transversely, 'that chick is Cranky McBitch' - you get the idea.

Fun for the whole family - and I urge all of you to send me your most creative McNicknames, its always good for a laugh.

This has been dedicated to the always McLovely Tali.

JP

2005-09-12T19:50:00.000-07:00

10:30 - only hours after my last post and I've done a 180. Walking up the driveway with wet laundry and I fall apart - I hit the dreaded brick wall. I knew before now that I'd miss him, because I should. I just learned, in the span of five minutes that I miss him, because I do.

I want to give up - I want to fight the devil on my shoulder thats telling me to give up. It says its too hard, it says Im not strong enough. It also says that its too soon - way to soon to feel this way. I can't help it, it's just there. I want to run and hide, I want to avoid it because it seems like the easy thing to do. I don't want to feel this way - I don't want to feel anything right now. I want to move on, I want to go back, I want to be comfortable again. I miss comfortable. I miss myself.

Tomorrow will be different, I know it will - it always is. Tomorrow I'll be strong, tomorrow I'll fight the devil. Tonight, I go to bed with him.

JP

Lunch With the Devil

2005-09-12T17:57:00.000-07:00

OK, its been a few days but I've finally come up with an answer and a blog for challenge #2:
Who are three people you would like to have lunch with?

1. The first person I'd like to have lunch with (and I hate to be cliché and name someone famous, but it’s my blog and Im gonna do it!) is Madonna. Sorry, I know that a lot of you out there are cringing at this response, but give me a chance to justify myself. Over the last number of years, Madonna has been an icon in the music industry, mainly for pushing the boundaries throughout her entire career. Not only is she musically inclined (which draws me to choosing her in the first place), but she is sexual and uninhibited, and to boot, she built a career from doing just that, being unbelievably 'sexy' - not necessarily hot or attractive, but sexy as in, 'Im going to grope myself, and my 12 gay dancers on stage while lying on an enormous bed and freak everyone out' kind of sexy. She is a strong, confident and beautiful woman who has no fears when it comes to expressing herself, and asking her audience to express themselves. I believe myself, and other women for that matter, could learn a lot from such a person - a person who has consistently (until her last album and collaboration with Britney) been secure enough in herself to do what ever she wants, whenever she wants, without batting an eyelash.

2) My mother is going to kill me for this one. The Devil (if the Devil does indeed exist). Mainly because I'd like to know what my eternity in hell is going to be like before I actually get there. It’s nice to know what to expect when taking such a journey. The beer may be warm, but there'll always be a BBQ!

3) Im going to combine 2 into one for this one. First, my grandmother who passed away last summer, and second, Jessica - one of my best friends from high school who passed away when we were 18 years old. I'd like, more than anything, to say all of the things I never got to say before I lost them, to ask all of the questions that were never asked. Both Jessica and Grandma Marge are 2 people I have admired most to this point in my life for their strength and courage - both battled cancer, and sadly, both eventually lost. I'd like them to tell me how they did it, and still remained there for their friends and family to the bitter end. I'd like to know if they miss us, and I like them to know that they are greatly missed.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Challenge #3: Who do you like in the NFC this year?

Excuse my ignorance...what's the NFC?

Monkeys with typewriters??

2005-09-10T12:10:00.000-07:00

Challenge # 1: 'If an infinite number of monkeys were typing on an infinite number of typewriters would they eventually type exact copys of novels or even the bible. By exact i mean correct puntuation, capitalization, and spacing. I for one think it would be done because i feel the key word infinite. Eventually it would have to happen. I got the idea from an episode of the Simpsons where Mr. Burns has a room full of monkeys and typewriters. He grabs the paper from one of the monkeys typewriters and reads "It was the best of times, it was the blurst of times". Then he proceeds to say Stupid Monkey! Whats your take on that huh? '

First, I'd like to say, thanks for the Simpsons reference - I, personally have found a way to work at least one into every day of my life...like, 'They have internet on computers now??'

Here is my take on your monkey theory (with a little help from Amos Beechwill). The original theory denotes that an infinite number of monkeys on an infinate number of typewriters would churn out the complete works of Shakespere, not the Bible, but I suppose its all the same thing.

For the record, an infinite number of monkeys on an infinite number of typewriters wouldn’t eventually turn out the complete works of Shakespeare (or the Bible) – they’d be typing all possible combinations of characters at once, so they’d turn it out on the first try – it would happen in as long as it would take one monkey to type that many characters (thank you Amos).

And he's right, if you think about it hard enough. I tried thinking about it hard enough, and it made my brain hurt, which for you, Aaron, is a good thing because it made me think...

Thank you for your suggestion, and Im off to think about the next 3 I have to write - Kyle, you suck, and Ill get to you last...

JP

Side Note...

2005-09-10T09:12:00.000-07:00

I saw something funny yesterday that I had to share...
I was sitting on the streetcar on the way home from picking up my passport and I saw a drivers-ed car make a left turn at the intersection we were waiting at. The student had hands locked at 10 and 2, during the busiest time of rushour in the city, and the friggen instructor was looking out the other window on her cell phone!

I finally figured out exactly why no one can drive in this city - because no one is actually teaching people how to drive!

If you want to to teach people how to drive, then do that. If you want to be in the telecommunications industry, get off the road - monkey see, monkey do!!

JP

Open Forum

2005-09-08T18:41:00.000-07:00

I've added a few countries to the list - Singapore, Australia and Denmark!

I've also decided that not nearly enough of you are commenting, so Im going to provide a callenge for you, while you are here.

Since I have absolutely nothing interesting to say, Im going to leave it to the public to provide me with a topic. If possible, I will write about every topic provided (until I get bored of it).

SO....please, comment, give me something to talk about, and for those of you who dont know me, no holds barred - Im open to anything so bring it on!

JP

Sex on the beach

2005-09-07T18:30:00.000-07:00

Firstly, I like to comment on the visitors I have been getting to my blog. I've been tracking my stats, and to my dismay have had visitors from Canada, US, UK, Malaysia and Chile - how very exciting. I had no idea I'd become international in just a few days! Thank you all for coming, and I hope you visit again soon.

I have nothing interesting to talk about today - and I mean nothing, so I've decided to be like everyone else (media, television, advertising) and talk about sex.

We all know that sex sells - sex is attraction, frustration and addiction all at once, and to some extent plays a major part in our lives. I heard, the other day, that in some place, somewhere they are considering opening sex beaches, much like nude beaches - mainly because so many people are populating public beaches and doing it anyways. I suppose they are figuring that they may as well offer it up, if there's no way to stop it from happening. To this, I think, wouldn't having sex on a public beach then lose all of its appeal?

As a person who has experienced, to some extent, a little tussle in the sand, I don't think I'd really want to give up the danger, mystery and mischievous nature of sex on the beach (no, Im not talking about the shot). Everyone craves what they are not allowed or discouraged from doing, and Im sure many of you will understand that once it is not a challenge, it is no longer interesting.

Sex is something we enjoy, its an outlet of aggression, its an expression of love, its a fit of passion, and I believe that by offering up the opportunity to do it in public, in broad daylight, we would have to give up on the appeal and charm of it. Now, I know that sex is not always meaningful for everyone - especially those who sometimes wake up beside someone, desperately trying to remember their name - but it is a part of us, and it is a part of others.

Other than the most obvious controversial topics, what else drives us to act like lunatics by cat calling and blatant come-ons and seeking out sweaty night clubs? Nothing - there, I said it. Sex is what attracts us to one another, at least at first. No one can honestly say that when they meet someone of the opposite sex (or same, whatever floats your boat) for the first time that they don't give them the 'once over' - every one does it, for one reason or another - even if it’s to think, 'oh god no'. Sex is a part of our being, it’s completely natural, and honestly, I think everyone needs to loosen up a bit about it. Not enough to have sex in front of strangers on a beach, perhaps, but enough to embrace it and cherish it, because after all, we can't do it when we're dead.

To finish this post, I say 'I'd kick him out of bed, but I'd do him on the floor' - one of my most favourite sayings.

Food for thought...

JP

2005-09-06T17:46:00.000-07:00

To start, my blog today will be much lighter and fluffier that previous. Tali, who is on my 'VIP' list has a friend on her 'VIP' list who posted this idea of listening to music to answer some of life's most pressing questions.

Ok Tali - Im up for the challenge. I have my iPod in hand and am ready to take a look into my future:

What do you think of me, Mr. Ipod?
Tougher than it is (um, not a great start)
Will I have a happy life?
She's a Rebel (damned straight)
What do my friends really think of me?
In the Waiting Line (thanks, guys)
Do people secretly lust after me?
Transatlanticism (giggedy giggedy, across the ocean)
What does a possible lover think of me?
Boulevard Of Broken Dreams (heartbreaker)
How can I make myself happy?
Cutt Off (cut what off? Im enjoying it all so much)
What should I do with my life?
Fight Test (a little help? Don't get this one)
Why must life be so full of pain?
Blue Orchid (yah, don't get this one either)
How can I maximize my pleasure during sex?
Let there be love (awww)
Will I ever have children?
A Minor Incident (oh dear god, no)
Will I die happy?
Don't Break Me Down (just like the Energizer bunny - where did he go?)
Can you give me some advice?
Give me novacaine (or adavan)
What do you think happiness is?
Lost Together (sweet, very sweet)
What's your favourite fetish?
You're so Pretty (what exactly is pretty?)

Wow, you were right Tali, that was fun. I want to come up with my own list of questions for this!

Thanks for helping you use up 20 minutes of my boring ass evening.

JP

2005-09-05T17:08:00.000-07:00

23 Days left until I leave for Europe - pressure is mounting. Aside from the excitement, Im nervous about everything to do with this trip. Money, flying, being in a strange place...

I can't live my life in the shadows, and I know once Im there I won't want to leave, but Im not there yet and I can't get into travel mode - perhaps because I've never done it.

All of this is beside the point - this is not what Im here to write about today. Today, Im looking for a little help. Aside from having a really great week-end of making new friends and watching the CNE air show, Im bummed out. Im stuck in a bit of a rut, maybe because right now, it feels like everything is changing all at once. This happens to me all the time when the seasons change, but this year feels a little different. I think I might actually be growing up a little (gulp) and Im trying to figure out whats right and wrong for me, and trying to find a place thats comfortable.

I had a fantastic summer this year, I met someone after a long time of avoiding any kind of relationship contact that changed the way I look at a lot of things, and the way I look at myself. This was something that came at a good time, and was really good for me because it opened my eyes to the world again - I re-learned to trust and care for someone - I think I had forgotten how.

There is so much that I can take away from my time with this person, however there is also a lot of grief involved as well. Im having a hard time remembering how great it was because Im so enveloped in how I feel right now.

I haven't lost him, in fact he's still an integral part of my life, but the distance between is breaking my heart every day. I tried really hard not to get too invested in this, unfortunately it didn't work so I didn't save myself any pain at the end of the day.

Love is a tricky thing, which is exactly why I have avioded it for so long. Sometimes the lines between worth it or not are blurred, but when they are clearly defined, you have to work your ass off to hold on to it. Im willing to do that, I just need to figure out how to get past this stage of sadness that Im in. Yes, I know this is an individual thing, but I just want someone to step up and tell me how to do that. I don't feel strong enough to figure it out on my own. Wishful thinking, I know.

Anyways, I thought I might share some of the things that I've written about this situation - Im not a master poet, however I gave it a shot and I wrote from the heart...so here it is:

WASH
Today I washed you off after 3 days
washed off your sweat and your tears
The layer that you kept on me
Has circled down the drain
There's nothing left but me
A clean palette, soft and smooth as before

I can still feel your sweet scent in my nostril
but its a brief whiff in the breeze
soon it will blow through
and there'll be nothing left but me

The particals have all faded
in the soapy wash of life
Today I washed you off
now there's nothing left but me

SOMEDAY
I left ten years ago
when I flew away from you
I was sure there was something out there for me

Someday was waiting
and I couldn't wait to get there
you had a tear in your eye
I remember it so clearly now
but I couldn't wait to find my someday

Now time has passed
and time is up
yesterday is so far behind
my someday was so close I could almost reach it
now my someday wants its yesterday back

I sit and think about our yesterday
it was bright and shiny
now thats the past
that I've tried to put behind
but it finds me in the dark
and I can't forget what yesterday was

I think of your pretty young face
and feel the twinge in my gut
someday was so important
yesterday was part of the past
and I needed something more

Now my someday wants its yesterday back
I wish I'd known my someday was you

OK, I believe I've been going on long enough to get some of this out. Thanks, to whoever for taking the time to read.

JP

I love my subconscious!

2005-09-04T05:39:00.000-07:00

Apparently, Im getting into this blog thing - 2 posts in 2 days! Either I really like it, or Im really bored.

Was having a conversation with a friend yesterday about having weird dreams that pertain to experiences and conversations you have throughout the day. Its a funny thing, really that when we slip into a deep sleep, our minds try to trick us in believing something that is not true. I can't tell you how many times I've woken up sad, or angry, or really happy because of something that my subconscious cooked up while I was resting.

Sometimes, the subconcious delights you in thoughts of happy memories or achieving goals that you know you are unable to achieve, leaving you with that warm and fuzzy feeling.

Other times, I think the subconscious is out to get you. I had a dream when I was a kid that we were getting a swimming pool, something that my conscious mind knew would never happen, but it was on break when the evil subconscious crept in and made me believe it. In this dream, I was so excited that we were getting a pool, then something happened that we couldn't, and I actually woke up crying my eyes out, because in my dream, I had been convinced that it was real. Rather a stupid story, but you get the idea.

Thankfully, my subconscious doesn't make me hear voices or anything like that, but it prey's on my insecurities. I have dreams about boyfriends cheating or losing a loved one, falling off cliffs or losing everything I have - never dying myself, oh no, it wouldn't let me get away so easy! I can't take naps anymore because naps are usually not 'deep sleeps' and I tend to remember everything that flashed through my mind. I have the weirdest, most eery dreams when I nap, so I have vowed that I won't do it because I won't let me subconscious catch up to me.

Perhaps its there to prepare us for the best, and the worst. In every day life, I suppose there are many things that we avoid thinking or talking about because its too painful, but all alone in our heads, everything is discovered. Maybe the subconscious is our dose of reality, which tries to force us to face these things, rather than hide from them.

So maybe its not so bad, being able to think and cook things up while you sleep, maybe, we are just preparing ourselves for the worst to help us learn how to cope. I hate that sometimes I wake up feeling really creeped out by strange dreams - so creeped out that I have to sit for 20 minutes to come back down to earth, but at least my subconscious is creative. At least Im not dreaming about business trade or the stock market, or email.

I guess I've done a 180, I guess that my subconscious is A-OK with me.

Till next time,

JP

European Me

2005-09-03T08:25:00.000-07:00

Blog #3 - Soon I'll stop numbering them - I promise.

It is the long week-end - the first September long week-end that I've stayed in the city - let me tell you, not a lot going on. Im going to work, which is OK because in exactly 25 days, I will be on a plane to Europe for a 12 day vacation - a much needed vacation I might add.

Im starting to get a little scared because I've never flown before. Ive been going through some 'self therapy', trying to get used to the idea and trying to prepare myself to fight what has been one of my biggest fears for as long as I can remember. Tomorrow, Im taking a trip to the airport to watch the planes take off and land, more for reassurance Im sure.

I think what I am most excited about is the fact that I get to leave my life behind for 12 whole days. So much is happening right now, and I just want to forget about all of it and slip into something more comfortable. By that I mean 'European Me'. I think I'll like that version of myself :)

Its been a rather rough week. Thankfully, I have a lot of really great friends who have offered unlimited support in this trying time. I can't say that it couldn't be worse, because compared to what many other people in the world are experiencing right now (including those who are stuck in New Orleans struggling for life), my 'problems' don't even make it onto the richtor scale.

This is my opportunity, however, to say thank you to all of the people who have been watching my back over the last little while. It took an incredibly long time to find good friends, but I know that Im there and I appreciate it so much. SO...cheers, and thank you to all of you that have listened to me complain over the last week. When your time comes, I'll be there in a heartbeat.

OK, I've rambled on long enough about my life, and yes, my blog today was definitely self-minded - perhaps Ill work on a post thats a little more meaningful for the next time.

JP

Where is everyone?

2005-09-01T20:28:00.000-07:00

Blog #2 - no comments - well I guess thats OK - I wasn't really expecting much. Today was a day like any other, except Im going to sleep drunk. Just trying to wait long enough so the spins don't set in.

I miss Monty - I miss my summer life; it was much more fun.

For those of you who are unaware, Monty is 'the guy' who moved back to Calgary last week-end. Im sad, but there's nothing to do about it.

Good Night, world.

JP

Screaming in public

2005-08-28T13:31:00.000-07:00

So, I have finally entered the world of 'blogging'. I've been trying to figure out the appeal for a long time now, and figured that the only way to truly understand is by immersing myself in it.

And so begins the story for the day...

I’m sitting at my computer, doing laundry and contemplating life. I live on a quiet street where odd things happen only periodically, and I look out my window to see an older man on a bicycle riding up and down the street screaming obscenities at the top of his lungs. I think 'boy, is he angry' - but then I think 'wouldn't it be nice to be so free from inhibition'. Sometimes, I believe we get so wrapped up in what we shouldn't be doing that we don't take the time to think about what would be fun or fulfilling to do.

Sometimes, I sit on public transit wishing that I could just scream at the top of my lungs, just to get a reaction out of people - and by people I mean all of the mindless drones (at least traveling the transit system on a regular basis) - everyone stares at their paper, stares at the floor or out the window, desperately trying to avoid eye contact with everyone else. Boy, if I screamed, they'd think 'wow is she crazy' - but at least they'd think...

I’m too locked into myself to actually do something like that - perhaps I need to get drunk in the morning before work to erase any pre-conceived notion that this is wrong or incorrect.

So, here ends my first blog. I've enjoyed my time here, and perhaps I'll give this a try - it’s nice to write your strange thoughts instead of saying them.

JP