Saturday, June 10, 2006

Tribute to Teens

I have no idea why I haven't blogged in months - further more, why I have decided to write today. I'm bored out of my mind; I think that must be it.

So....surfing the net this morning cause there's nothing better to do, and I was checking out my 13 year old cousins web-site (I believe it's a similar program to myspace or something, called piczo) and I realized that I would like to be 13-14-15-16 again. No, I'm not all that old, but the thought of going back and dealing with the problems and responsibilities of a 15 year old seems absolutely wonderful. I'm tired of worrying about the future, getting up every Monday morning and repeating the week before. I want to worry about my 2 week boyfriend who I 'loooooove', I want to listen to metal and rock on, be thankful that I've finally sprouted boobs, say things like 'LOL' and 'OMG', and have it mean something seriously profound. I want to decide not to start smoking, I want to do drugs and believe it won't harm me, I want to get stoned before class (and then inevitably decide to skip class and get more stoned), worry about the first time I'll have sex, and think I'm rebelling against my parents for trapping me in a teenage hell. It all seems delightful and innocent, and I want a piece of it.

So, how do I incorporate this into my every day life? I supposed that isn't possible now that I'm 'responsible'. I have cats, a boyfriend, a job that I need to keep (don't get me wrong, I also enjoy it), nephews, and a close relationship with the family I so desperately tried to ignore in my teenage years, close friends who are also responsible, a place to live, a place to live that drains my bank account every month, and so on. I feel a bit wrapped up in all of this. I want to go away, for a long time and actually experience something. At the tender age of 25, I feel like I'm running out of time to do all of the things I would like to do while I'm young; before the rest of my life catches up to me. I've been seriously thinking of applying for a holiday working visa and effing off for a year or two. Gee, do you think that would upset my parents? Oh God, yes. But it's my life, and I want to live it.


Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Tag! You're it!

OK, so Kyle has tagged me for something that I have no context on, but honestly, its pretty simple.

Four jobs you have had in your life:
1. Shift Manager, McDonalds
2. Logistics Coordinator, Borderfree
3. Ecommerce specialist, Danier Leather Corporate
4. Graphic Studio Manager, Indigo

Four movies you would watch over and over:
1. Lord of the Rings trilogy
2. Old School
3. Shawshank Redemption
4. Mall Rats

Four places you have lived:
1. Devils Pulpit, Caledon Ontario
2. Winston Churchill Blvd., Caledon Ontario
3. Boston Ave., Toronto Ontario
4. Victor Ave., Toronto Ontario

Four TV shows you love to watch:
1. Alias
2. Lost
3. CSI: New York
4. Leafs! (not really a 'show', but still a fave)
(I really want to add Saved By The Bell, but I'm sure I'll be poked at)

Four places you have been on vacation:
1. Myrtle Beach
2. Halifax
3. Europe
4. Calgary

Four websites I visit daily:
1. Friends Blogs

Four of my favorite foods:
1. Sushi
2. Grilled Cheese
3. Seafood, of any kind
4. Steak, Steak, and more Steak

Four places I would rather be right now:
1. Europe
2. Africa
3. Banff
4. Hawaii

Four bloggers I am tagging:
I can't tag any bloggers that aren't already tagged - so if you read this, YOU'VE BEEN TAGGED!


Saturday, December 10, 2005

Ice Lounge

OK, so I'm tired of looking at that Brazilian ass, so I'm changing my post in the hopes that it will disappear from my screen every time I check my blog...

Last night was fun - went to the new 'Ice Lounge' at C-Lounge. A word to the wise, however, for all of you out there considering going to check this out. Last night was cold, and I mean cold when you're not wearing what you should be in the winter. You have to go outside to get into the Ice Lounge, where they give you a parka that god knows how many people have worn. Don't get me wrong, they are super warm, but dirty, oh so very dirty. After you pick up your parka, you walk in under a tent, full of ice. First thought - 'it smells like fish in here' - not the greatest when you're already drunk and stumbling. Second, 'my feet are freezing, and I can't sit on anything because I might freeze to it'. I was told that we would be offered warm gloves, martini glasses made of ice, and clean jackets. What we got was freezing hands, plastic martini glasses, and dirty, but warm jackets - OK, 2 out of 3 isn't so bad.

We literally spent 10 minutes in the Ice Lounge, after paying a hefty cover just to go in, and spent the rest of the night inside where it was warm and sweaty, just like any other club in the city. Don't get me wrong, it was really cool to see what they have done to make this possible, and we had a great time; although I am crediting that to the massive consumption of alcohol, not to the atmosphere. Glad I went to see it, but I wouldn't recommend going there every week-end. You'll die of gradual hypothermia.


Tuesday, December 06, 2005


OK Kyle - my sexy brazilian name is...

Your Sexy Brazilian Name is:
Kaliana Montenegro
Wow, that is sexy.
Even better is my pimp name...
Your Pimp Name Is...
Sugar Butt Dogg
And apparently, my daddy is...
Your Daddy Is OJ
What You Call Him: Old Man
Why You Love Him: He knows best
And my 1920's name is
Your 1920's Name is:
Gussie Blossom
My Japenese name is...
Your Japanese Name Is...
Rei Hojo
But most importantly, apparently, I'm a...
You're a Freaky Kisser
When you kiss, you want to experience something newA new technique, a new partner, a new piercing...And your own personal kissing style is very unpredictableThere's no saying where your tongue or hands will go
What Kind of Kisser Are You?
Thanks Kyle...

Sunday, November 27, 2005

Reverend Stephanie

Another Sunday is coming to a close. Today I got up early and headed to my parents house - my mom was being inducted into her church today so we all decided to go to cheer her on (although, cheering is sadly frowned upon in church for some reason). Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I spent the afternoon in church.

It wasn't all that bad - the service was small, and I have discovered that my nephew, Grant, is great comic relief in 'uncomfortable situations'. Every time the congregation went silent, Grant got a funny smile on his face and let one was hilarious. My brother, sister, Dan and I were literally sitting in the back of the church crying from laughter for the entire 45 minutes. Grant is talking now, and some words are understandable, some not so much - regardless, it’s truly hilarious. I forgot how kids can sometimes pull you out of the darkest area and give you just a little bit of sunshine.

On the drive up, I was telling my brother that it seems our entire family dynamic has completely changed over the last 2 years. Grant was born in February of 2004 - that was the first big change. This year, my mother graduated with a Masters in Divinity, and has been formally ordained into the priesthood. She's now got a full time job - in here retirement none the less. My father has started renovating the house that we lived in for 15 years because soon they will sell and move closer to my mom's parish. It seems these days that the two of them are busier than I am, which is wonderful, but a little sad at the same time.

At the beginning of the summer, my sister announced that she's expecting again - another boy - Tristan Mackenzie - due February 2nd of 2006. My brother and I seem to be floating along at the same pace - although he seems to be a bit more depressed these days. The times they are a changin, and I'm trying to keep up.

It wasn't so long ago that I remember being a child, looking up to my big brother and sister, idolizing my parents, and truly not caring about much. In this respect, not a lot has changed. My brother is my hero - always has been, always will be. Despite his own stubborn convictions, he has always looked out for me and has always been able to come through when I truly needed him.

Although my sister and I rarely see eye to eye, we carry a strange silent respect for one another, both id very different ways. She has given us an incredible child whom we all love and cherish, and will till the end of days, and will soon give another that will be loved equally.

My father and I had a rough start, but I can now truly say he is someone that I admire and look to for advice. We have become better friends in these later years, and I couldn't be happier about it.

Last but not least, my mother. I wouldn't even know where to begin - on the Richter scale of inspiration, love, devotion and kindness, she scores somewhere in the thousands. We are the best of friends, and I cherish her for everything she has and will contribute to my life. I love her dearly, honestly, and eternally. I'm so proud of her for everything that she has done since her retirement - she truly is my inspiration.

My closing point - my family is the most important - period. No one person in this universe has been there my entire life as they have been - no one person will ever love me for who I am more than they do. My family is my best kept secret, and my proudest of accomplishments. I will never in my lifetime share bonds as close as I have with the four of them, and that is something that can make me smile on the darkest of days.


Saturday, November 26, 2005

My Google Needs

Thanks to Michael, who has strangely revealed himself today, I have now done my own list of 'Google Needs' by typing Jessica and Needs into the search field, so, here is what Jessica Needs:

1. an unexpected birthday present
2. to keep her mouth shut sometimes
3. to get on with her life
4. creative and fantastic facilities
5. YOU!
6. to say 'go fug yourself' (yes, fug was the word it came up with)
7. to live for Christ, one day at a time (Im not even going to TRY to explain that one)
8. to be left alone
9. some coaching but instead gets an earful and an eyeful

That was fun...


Ah, Saturday

For the first time in a while, I am sitting in my room drinking coffee, smoking cigarettes, and barely thinking about what I have to do today. It's nice, it's relaxing. My room is a mess, I need to do the dishes, I need to get out and pay bills and find a birthday present for my sister, but here I am; soaking up the scenery.

I love it! I'm ecstatic that I have this opportunity to write this down, simply because I have time to do it.

Tonight, we go to celebrate the fact that the lovely Tali is embarking on a new adventure next week. Getting away from the crap, getting away from the snow and starting a new job in San Fran - I think this could be a really great thing. Although we are all connected digitally, she'll face new challenges, and hopefully forget about the old ones. I wish I had the courage to do something like that. Sometimes being in one place can beat you down so much that you can't see moving on - sometimes it’s better to start fresh; wipe the slate clean, meet some new people, and immerse yourself in something new and exciting.

To that I say, Cheers Tali - you'll be greatly missed by your friends here that love you, and you'll always have a home here. Good luck, and have fun with everything you will discover in the coming months.


Monday, November 21, 2005

Right as Rain

*sigh* - I'm breathing again. Had a nice day to relax yesterday and have gathered my 'shit' - I'm thinking like a sane person again. Lovely - I've re-entered the world of 'normal'.

Not so bad - my spirits are up, and it’s been a while since I could honestly say that. I've been having a really hard time over the last month regarding my 'Monty' scenario. Is it worth it, am I wasting time, is this where I should be, is this something I can count on, should I look for someone local...etc, etc. Truth is, I woke up. I woke up with a start, let me tell you.

Saturday night, I had a revelation. NO ONE makes me happier than this person, regardless of the distance. NO ONE cares for me like he does; NO ONE makes me feel like a human every day of my life. I also realized that its way too soon in our relationship to be worrying about how this will affect my future. We haven't barely had a moment to enjoy it, why rush into the important stuff? Truth is, he's coming back in January, and I couldn't be happier about it. I get to learn new things, and I get to rediscover what made me fall in love in the first place. Not too many people get this opportunity - as far as I’m concerned, I have the perfect relationship because every time I see him or hear from him, I'm excited. That’s what time apart does, I suppose.

I think for a while there, I was trying to create drama in my life because looking back, it really has been a good year for me. I got a promotion, I met a guy, I took my first trip ever, I'M HAPPY for the first time in a while. I think that when things seem to be going 'too good', there is a sense of urgency that creeps up on you, making you worry that there is nothing to worry about; if that makes any sense at all. We are emotional beings, and believe it or not, I think that happiness is the hardest emotion to accept, because we are conditioned in this day and age to believe that SOMETHING must go wrong at some time. We expect it, we wait for it, and we create it when it doesn't appear.

In short, everything is right in the world on 'me' right now, and I'm glad. There is nothing wrong, and I'm not going to pretend that there is (I hope I'm not jinxing myself by writing this!)